Ride of my Life

Kindergarten. A very long, long time ago. It was a time in my life where I lived as a rebel…peeing on school walls, looking under girls’ skirts from beneath the jungle gym, and slyly throwing all my cut-and-paste homework in the trash, where it belonged. I was a kid. Kids do dumb stuff. They live. They learn. And they forget. However…there is one “feeling” I had back then that every once in awhile comes back to tease my soul.

Yes folks. Let’s talk about love.

Sarah Mckinzer. She was cute. She was smart. She had short brown hair, pale skin, and a smile worth a million pogs. And yes….I worshipped pogs. That and comic books, marvel super hero cards, GI Joes, and of course….NINJA TURTLES. Sarah was sweet. She would smile at me every time I would burp. She must’ve thought it was sexy or something. I don’t know.

One day….for nap time…..I decided I was gonna make my move. I really “liked” this girl….and it was time that I finally express my feelings. I had lived almost the whole year with the love monster tormenting my soul…trying to get out and enjoy some fresh air. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I had to do something.

So I did.

Nap time. Everyone was asleep…except me of course. I fought hard to stay awake. For I was about to accomplish the mission impossible. I wasn’t quite sure what I was gonna do at that point….but the bottom line is that I needed to do SOMETHING. So I did. The teachers were in their office. The kids were all asleep on their Snoopy and Pooh Blankies. And then there’s me….slowly….making movements to get on my knees and start the “army crawl” towards Sarah Mckinzer.

So I start.

If you were looking at me from the window, it would be like watching a little salamander in an aquarium….in slow motion….weaving in…..and out……of weeds and brush. I was slowly making my way around the other kids making sure I didn’t wake anybody up. That would mean disaster. I wasn’t ready for that. Peeing on walls was a good life….and I wasn’t about to lose that privilege over some nap time mishap.

Minutes passed. Many minutes passed. Finally when I reached Sarah…..I froze. I stared at that little princess…wondering what I was to do next. Was I to wake her up, round up the horse and carriage, and ride off into fairy land? Was I to caress her silky brown hair as I whispered lullabies into her cute little ear? Perhaps I was to meet her lips with mine, softly, as any kindergartner knows how.

Drops of sweat trickled down my brow….made its way down my cheek….finally reaching the corner of my lips where I could taste the saltiness of the moment. It wasn’t sweet. It was salty. It was sketchy. It was like the beginning of a crazy horror film. Everyone was asleep except the creepy killer, at the bedside of his one true love. His princess. The one he’d had an eye on for quite sometime.

I freaked out. I realized that I was in quite the predicament so I quickly started making my way back to my blankie. My safe place. My “home.” Half way there I realized NO…NO….NO. I was getting it all wrong. I couldn’t blow an opportunity. I had to do something. I had worked so hard to get to that point. Something needed to be done. Bragging rights during recess were on the line. I couldn’t chicken out. It was game time. My “coolness” was in jeopardy.

So I started back for Sarah. I reached her and I decided that the very least I was to do was….well…..to touch her leg. Her cute little, growing calf muscle. Slowly I let my right arm dangle closer and closer. The moment of impact occurred. It was a sweet, smooth landing. No turbulence. No bumps no bruises. No oxygen masks or warning lights. The skin of my 2 inch index finger and the smooth skin of her baby calf joined together. Fireworks went off. Bells in my heart started ringing. Frogs started jumping. Kangaroos started humming. The sweet smell of love was in the air. No booger nor belch was gonna ruin this one. Kids around school would be singing “Sarah and Mickey sittin’ in a tree….K – I – S – S – I – N – G……first comes love….then comes marriage….then comes a baby in a baby carriage…….” in no time. “Mickey + Sarah” was about to be engraven on every tree in the yard.

And indeed it all happened. She woke up. Looked at me, half-asleep. Smiled. And like a princess in a Disney movie, slowly put her head back to the pillow, returning to la-la land.

Me. Well….I returned to my baby blue blankie that my mommy had made….and went on with my nap. I’ve never slept so well in my life.

Love, for the first time in this mortal life, had found a place in Mickey’s heart. So I thought.

The more I thought about it…the more I realized that I wasn’t in “love.” Really I was just in “like.”

From that day to this…i’ve been analyzing what it means to “like” someone…and at what point it becomes “love.”

After the incidence with Sarah Mckinzer….I grew older. I realized that to “like” someone meant that you had to tease her. You had to be mean. You had to pick her last in the game of kickball at recess. You had to throw a little harder at her in the game of dodgeball. You had to point and laugh alittle louder everytime she said something dumb. You had to ignore her even more everytime in the cafeteria.

Then I grew a little older. To “like” someone meant to never talk to her in person…but to leave cute, sappy, romantic notes in her locker. To “like” her meant to have all means of communication between you and her be passed through best friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. To “like” her meant to call her using *67 (blocked call), waiting to see if she’d pick up so you could hear her soft sweet voice, then hanging up. To “like” her meant to stare at her in class….then quickly look away as she takes a quick glance in your direction.

Then I grew a little older. To “like” her meant to try to make her jealous by talking to other girls in front of her, and laughing and playing. To “like” her meant that you’d talk for hours on IM…bugging her on who she “liked.” To “like” her meant that what you really “like” is the kissing.

Then I grew older. I went to Brasil for two years as a missionary. No dating. No girls. No kissing. Just missionary service.

And now i’ve been home about 9 months. To “like” someone now is completely different. I’ve lived this life over two decades now. And i’m finally starting to grasp what it really means to “like” someone. And I gotta admit…it feels good.

For me, to be in “like” with someone now isn’t about kissing. It’s not about teasing. It’s not about notes. It’s not about cheesy pick-up lines. Rather, it’s about nurturing a relationship so that it can find its way to the next phase: love. It has many of the same characteristics of love….simply because it’s on the path to love. It’s about caring. It’s about doing what’s necessary to please the other and make her happy. It’s about swallowing the pride. It’s about listening. It’s about communicating. It’s about being honest and open. It’s about uplifting, inspiring and motivating. It’s at the doorstep of love.

It feels good to know that i’m on a road that leads to love. A narrow road. A road traveled by few. A road that leads to a bridge. On the other side of that bridge is true love. A land where what appears to be beautiful, really is. It’s not a land for fools nor foolishness. It’s not a land of trade nor traitors. It’s a land for love, not “likers.” I’ve followed the signs on the road. I’ve obeyed the laws of travel. I’ve listened the the buzz of sweet bees on the other side. I know i’m going the right direction. I’m not going too fast. I’m not going too slow. I’m not letting the weather delay me, the temptations deter me, or the bumps impede me. One day…i’ll get there.

It all starts by getting on that road. It could be long. It could be short. But the only way one can get on that road is if he goes after “Sarah Mckinzer.” No one needs to be quite the weirdo that I was. But staying awake when everyone else is asleep, moving when everyone is still, and touching when no one dares touch. That’s what will lead to the bridge. That’s what will lead to the love. To fail while no one else attempted is in itself a success. And that’s what makes the road so narrow.

I won’t say i’m in love. But I feel pretty darn close. I really “like” a girl. And i’m going after her. I’ve entered the game…and she’s rolling the dice. I’ve put myself on a limb, she’s out there dangling with me. I’m on the road that leads to love, and she’s putting gas in the car. We’ll see how long it lasts. We’ll see how bumpy the road is. And perhaps….we’ll see how sweet the other side of the bridge is.

I think the bridge is close. Cuz i’m falling hard.

Don’t let love find you. You go find love.

-Mickey Lee Hagen

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life’s sweet mystery!!
Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there’s nothing in life
That love cannot change!!
Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.
Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!
Love is the answer
That everyone seeks…
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.
Love can’t be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life’s sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -